Saturday, January 31, 2015

Stupidity should....


STUPIDITY SHOULD...
Forrest Gump said "Stupid is as stupid does", well right you are Forrest!
In honor of Forrest and his amazing insight into all things stupid, we address this topic.
Please read, share, tweet, gram, follow, like, comment and LOVE IT
come on I know you're reading it in secret, I see the reader count
so come out of the closet of shame and admit it - fess up ya know you're loving it!
PLEASE leave a comment or suggestion for future blogs...
OR just leave a comment saying you were here! I love to hear from my readers!
 
I know, you're thinking "there's only TEN" things that stupid IS?
No, not really but I'm only going to comment on 10 TODAY!

  1. ...have a vaccine against it
  2. ...come with a warning label
  3. ...understand it's stupid & realize it before we have to mention it
  4. ...never be underestimated
  5. ...smack itself in the face
  6. ...have a blue flashing light, like K-Mart, attached to itself to warn us it's coming
  7. ...get itself drunk so it MAY be funny and NOT as stupid
  8. ...friend itself on Facebook just to see how STUPID it really IS!
  9. ...have to sit and listen to itself for a hot second
  10. ...admit it's stupid, find itself a 12 step group and realize it really is the worlds deadliest disease because I could totally KILL STUPID!

         
 
PS - YES I am OBSESSED with MEMES these days, even making my OWN.
and, YES, I'll be doing a blog on Memes & my obsession with them!

Friday, January 30, 2015

Labels of "Celebrity", "Successful", Super Model" etc.


The use of such labels of "legend", "famous", "celebrity", "successful", "super model" et. al,



  1. LEGEND:  Seriously? Someone like Chris Brown or whomever is a LEGEND? Not really. Not yet anyway. The title of LEGEND should be reserved for those such as JAMES Brown NOT Chris Brown; Bette Midler not Ariana Grande; Meryl Streep NOT Lupita Nyongo; AnnMargret* NOT Anne Hathaway; Aerosmith NOT  Maroon 5, and so on. The list of comparisons could go on and on forever, but you get my point. Save the word "LEGEND" for those who have EARNED IT! There are millions of "one hit wonders" out there who have not worked hard enough or gained the status of LEGEND in any way, shape or form.
  2. FAMOUS: Real Housewives of anywhere are fame WHORES - not famOUS!  What people consider "famous" or worthy of some kind of honor such as speaking at a school or university graduation, some kind of award or recognition is seriously warped. (Don't get me STARTED on the honorary doctorates celebrity receive for nothing, I'll address THAT in another blog post.)
  3. CELEBRITY: you are not "Instagram Famous" if you are only "famous" in your circles or the follow numbers game that exists on a particular app. You merely don't have much of a life (or BUY your followers, etc.) You shouldn't be the one to call yourself much of a celebrity or famous either. USUALLY (not always) that title comes from OTHERS or your very long list of a resume, curriculum vitae or other documented successes you have that make you a celebrity for publicly acknowledge work or successes.
  4. SUCCESSFUL: basically the same type of category as #2 & #3. Success is something that is also earned. Successes can include many things & not all of it has to do with the public eye., in fact many successful people with successful lives are NOT in the public eye; people who have worked hard to raise their children well are also successful.
  5. "SUPER MODEL": selfies don't count as modeling girls! One "gig" doesn't make you a professional much less a "Super Model".  Neither does posting selfies all over the internet - that is NOT modeling, girls. (I am apprehensive to use the word "ladies" here as there are many posts that a lady would never think about posting.)
  6.  "New York Times Best Selling Author" : specifically when it comes to the "Real Housewives of Anywhere" - Teresa Guidice I'm talking to YOU (& those like you). You are not now nor will you EVER BE Julia Child or any other famous cook who has published cook books. Someone needs to STOP telling these people that they are, it's embarrassing to the real writers of the world.  BTW Teresa: you've changed the pronunciation of your name many times to suit how Italian you want to be. Is it "Jewdice", "Jewdichay", "Jewdeechay" or WHAT? You come off like the idiot you are. Just sayin'.)
  7. CHART TOPPING: Topping the iTunes charts: really? You are a contestant on a reality competition singing show & you now top Beyoncé or some other amazing singer who did it the old fashioned way? Another example of the "giving out a trophy for farting in public" - another topic that will probably cover an entire installment of LATJ.
  8.  "WORLD CLASS" ATHLETE:  Your local road race, a high school track meet, a local bowling league does NOT qualify. No, sorry, not even if it appears on local TV.
  9. "PUBLIC FIGURE"  having a Facebook Page saying you are doesn't make it so & unless you have a history of BEING one, you really aren't.
  10. STANDING OVATIONS:  PLEASE reserve the standing ovations for those who have done something magnificent: hit that high note, performed a jete' 6' high, played the SHIT out of that musical solo, and so forth. STOP giving standing ovations for farting wind in public or just because some 2nd class "celebrity" put their foot on the dance floor or someone you've gone to see at a concert, walks out on stage. You've paid good money for those tickets make them EARN not only their money, but the standing ovation!

*Spelling of AnnMargret versus Ann-Margaret, AnnMargaret, Ann Margaret etc., I KNOW the woman and I also misspelled it before she straightened me out on it: there's no extra "a" in Margret and there's no hyphen and PLEASE don't ever call her ANN!!


Sort of "famous".... just sayin'







Check out my other pages, accounts and such if you so desire:

 







Thursday, January 29, 2015

You Sir, Are a JACKASS


You sir (or Madame) are a jackass

(part one)

  1. If you go on a talk show & brag about your illegal activities & wonder why the cops showed up at your house: You sir, are a jackass!
  2. If you try to beat that red light, miss it and get t-boned by a semi: You sir, are a jackass!
  3. If you pour rubbing alcohol on your body, light it up & get burned: You sir, are a jackass!
  4. If you take nudie pics of your privates or your "junk" & you get hacked and act all surprised: You sir, are a jackass!
  5. If you are walking & texting and are shocked when someone calls you every name in the book for being a douchebag,  You sir, are a jackass!
  6. If you post your shit all over Facebook & are then surprised when someone nails your lying ass for your stupidity of thinking nobody would find OUT: You sir, are a jackass!
  7. If you're on an airplane & kick the seat in front of you then act all surprised when that same person uses all their body weight & strength to slam that seat backwards into your knee: You sir, are a jackass! 
  8. If you have sex without protection & are then shocked when someone gets knocked up, You sir, are a jackass! 
  9. If you  put yourself on reality TV, slapping & talking smack about other people and act shocked when they talk the same right back at you: You sir, are a jackass! 
  10. If you doubt the things I say are true or better yet call me a liar, you bitch need to get to steppin cuz I'm gonna put a 6" steel stiletto up your ASS in 3, 2, NOW 
 
Did you somehow DOUBT I ACTUALLY
had said shoes to shove up your ass?
I thought so!










 

Monday, January 26, 2015

20 Little-Known Facts About Me

TWENTY little known facts about me...
 
Me at age 4 (1966)
 


  1. I was born and raised on an old asparagus farm that my grandfather and father built & the concrete for the Brooklyn Bridge was made and transported on an old train track behind my house. It was the largest asparagus farm on the east coast! If you ate asparagus up until about 1959, you got it from our farm.
  2. Started ballet at age 4 & remember my black leotard, pink tights & little pink ballet shoes like it was yesterday. I started tap not too long after that & still remember the first steps I was taught & can picture it like it was yesterday. Classes were at Tillson Elementary school at that time & it was great!
  3. Began taking Judo when I was 10, got my black belt and won the Gold Medal in the Jr. Nationals & Bronze medal in the Jr. Olympics, with girls much older than me. 
  4. Did the same with swimming...but got a gold, silver & bronze in the Jr. Olympics: my specialty was the butterfly stroke!
  5. Started Schuplattling  (think Oktoberfest) at age 8, was fluent in German most of my life and can still read it. I even read the Book of Mormon (when I was LDS) in German
  6. Was the tallest girl next to Linda Mandic (heck tallest anyone) in Elementary School.
  7.  Ride a 700 lb motorcycle back brace and all
  8.  I LOVE to cook! I make my own pasta & gravy from scratch and I can even make SUSHI
  9.  he first role I ever played was as a snowflake as a kindergartener in the school winter program with all my little girlfriends
  10.  I lost my hearing due to severe ear infections starting as a child and bottoming out in my 20's. I consider sign equivalent to English as my first language.
  11.  I was a professor at NYU of ASL for a few years in NYC.
  12.  I have 2 PhD's considering my high school teachers & guidance counselor said i was 'stupid' I think I'd kind of wanna ask THEIR IQ at this point! (all after a G E D!)
  13.  I still hold the record for the highest score on the NYS GED test...a 99. Then again, I took it the DAY after the last day of school... so not that much of an accomplishment compared to those like my aunt, who hadn't been in school in about 15 years or more.
  14. Started my BA 2 months shy of turning 30 (January 1992) & finished in one year - 4 quarters!
  15. I attended the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in NYC.
  16. I've traveled A LOT- RV x the US 4 x (including all of Canada), Rio, Mexico, all over - usually by myself. One summer I travelled 9 THOUSAND miles in 3 months, hitting every state in the lower 48 and every province of Canada, in a 1972 Pace Arrow.
  17. My dream was to be on Broadway
  18. Have experienced some very interesting things I'd never want to experience again but they were fun then....
  19.  I'm ambidextrous
  20.  I have played the following instruments: Guitar, clarinet, French horn, trombone, trumpet, violin, 2 level organ & a few more I have an electric piano but have never taken lessons and can't play it because only with piano am I terribly uncoordinated with my left hand.

Grandma Delora sitting on my motorcycle
 
 Me Schupplattling sometime in the 2000's
 An article about a play I was in locally when I was about 18-19

Tillson Elementary School - my old alma mater - I LOVED this place









Sunday, January 25, 2015

Winter? In Upstate NY? Really? No SHIT SHERLOCK! Buy a shovel & some salt!



It's WINTER and they're predicting more SNOW?
Oh my GOD let me lay down & hibernate because I NEVER EXPECTED THIS
living in Upstate New York! Oh SHUT up or move to Arizona!
 
 
This is how we rolled in the old days in Tillson!
Yes, a real fur coat & muff, while sitting on a bear skin blanket
on our horse drawn sled (that you see in the Budweiser ads)
 
 
This shit NEVER ceases to amaze me:
 
  
  1. They're predicting a snowstorm again tomorrow night. I know what the HELL are they thinking! By this time last year we were over 7 FEET under snow! My entire van was covered & I couldn't see it - period. This year is like SPRING - suck it up!
  2. It's winter - in northern NYS, why on EARTH does everyone rush to the store to get shovels and salt? Unless you've just moved here from California or Florida & have never seen snow - this is some stone age bullshit! Buy this crap before the snow you idiots!
  3. Stop your pissing bitching and moaning about it. Suck it up.
  4. Well that's how you would THINK people who live here actually do think. There's a forecast for snow OR it's actually falling and it never fails that these yahoos are piling into the stores for milk & bread (seriously you don't just keep that stuff in your house?) and shovels and salt. Ummm you LIVE in upsta...te NY - you seriously don't have a fucking SHOVEL or SALT? Unless this is your first winter living here from AZ, CA or some other place where you don't know what snow IS, this is mindboggling!
  5. I get a nice big bag of salt early in the season, most of which stays in the bag in the back of the car (for extra weight in ice or to save some poor person out there who isn't lucky enough - or smart enough - to drive a 4x4 like me - out of a mess they've accidentally gotten into out there) & I have a large coffee can filled with the stuff by my front door along with - wait for it - a SHOVEL! I know - smack your head on that one right? A shovel go figure! THEN these yahoos who lived up here most of their lives - drive like IDIOTS in the stuff!
  6. If you are going 20mph and/or braking upon every turn that is on the road - you are JUST as dangerous as the douche trying to go 55 in it. One of you is going to wrap your ass around a tree & probably going to take me with you! Folks I know it's a shocker but this is not the first nor will it be the last winter or snow we will have up here - get your heads out of your asses & prepare for it. Calgon take me away!
  7.  When it's cold and/or snowing, people piss, bitch & moan about it. These are the SAME people who are doing the SAME THING when it's hot in the summer! When it's 80 in the winter and 30 in the summer, THEN BITCH you dumbasses - it's called the Seasons - get used to it or move to Arizona where they don't have any! GOOD GOD!
  8. If you see someone out there stuck in this crap & you have a 4WD vehicle, stop & help them or at least wait for them if you can. Give them a ride somewhere. Are you truly in that much of a hurry that you can't? No, you're not.
  9. Unless you're a nurse, doctor, cop or fireman (etc.) who must be somewhere because you're saving lives for a living, DON'T venture out in this stuff - it's stupid & you're putting your own life as well as everyone else on the road's life, in danger. Stay put, view the beauty of the snow from inside your home. 
  10. If you have children, grandchildren, or you yourself are physically able (I'm not & I miss doing this) get outside, make a snowman, a snow angel, have a snowball fight, whip it out and piss in the snow (for the guys, if you're a girl & you can do it you are far more talented than most), pull out a board game or some cards & play some fantastic games together, read a BOOK (it's a bunch of papers with typing on it bound between thicker pages), watch an old movie, play charades or have a good old fashioned family dinner with conversation (I know that last one is a stretch) but DO SOMETHING to enjoy the day and don't bitch about it!!

     
     And we had several snow mobiles that we used in winter in the 60s/70's
    because we had enough snow to ride them daily & did errands for the
    neighborhood to the store in them! Yes indeed!



**************

Saturday, January 24, 2015

10 Random Thoughts: Scary But True Shit



10 Random Thoughts
 
There will be lots of days where I do exactly this & merely type out random
thoughts that pass through the holes in my mind that have been in
the news, on TV, or that I've observed SOMEWHERE! 
 
If I've taken the time to type them out for your daily enjoyment, PLEASE comment
below & let me know how you're enjoying it. I'd also love to hear some
suggestions or ideas on topics (hot or not) that you'd like me to take on.
Remember: I only address with a sick ass sense of humor, sarcasm
(humor's ugly step sister) & with a (generally) light hearted point of view.
I'm not out to be political in any way or to intentionally hurt someone.
HOWEVER: while opinions are like assholes; everybody has one,
this blog is MY opinion and ONLY my opinion (for what it's worth)
and of course, for SHITS AND GIGGLES!

Alrighty then, on to our regularly scheduled program.


  1. The Ku Klux Klan: if you dumbass, nasty pig, douchebag racists were SO PROUD of what you stand for, what you do and how you think, then WHY THE FUCKING HOODS?? So nobody can recognize your pussy asses & hang YOU from a fucking tree?
  2. Momma June of Honey Boo Boo has a boyfriend and Charles Manson has a wife - why in all natural fuck can't I even get a DATE? Food for thought huh?
  3.  Spelling & grammar: You "millenials" who know nothing of a dictionary, thesaurus or Encyclopedia Britannica. You, who's phone, iPad & computer will put a squiggly red line under misspelled words or even correct your shitty spelling AND that you have spell correct on these devices? Basically what I'm saying is: if you are misspelling shit all the time you are basically a fucking MORON!
  4. They, their, they're: if you don't know the difference between these by the age of 15 you are going to be a MISERABLE FAILURE IN LIFE trust me!
  5. Kotex & Maxi-pad advertisements: are these TRULY NECESSARY? I mean all HELLS BELLS - women have gotten their periods since the dawn of time, get it monthly like clockwork (usually) and know EXACTLY what we need to use for it. WHY then, are these advertisements necessary to TELL us what is out there for something that is part of our daily lives?
  6. ON #5: The ads for "feminine hygiene" about your cootch smelling like dootch...do you realize in 100 years when the future generations look back at this period of time, they are going to look at women as stinky, nasty smelling, bleeding, nasty beings? Can we PLEASE cease & desist with that particular form of nasty during my dinner?!?!
  7. On # 5 & #6 continued: in the 70's they used to show jock itch commercials during dinner - there was some kind of letter writing campaign that took them off TV. Can we NOT do THAT for douche commercials... PLEASE?
  8.  "Sex Box" TV show: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THAT SHIT? How desperate are these people to get on TV that they'll have sex in a box with some armchair psychologists helping them with their sex problems? Can you REALLY have sex problems if you have NO problem having sex in a box, in front of an audience?
  9. Speaking of the audience for "Sex Box" what the HELL kind of sick ass life do you have that you WANT to be in that audience when you can just watch porn at home for free?
  10. Those stickers on the back of your car indicating your family & children, then a logo/sticker from the school they go to or one saying "My child is an honor student at...." etc. (btw who's child ISN'T these days) are a GPS, a map and an invitation to a pedophile. Are you fucking kidding me? THEN you'll be all over the news crying and not understanding why little Susie Q is missing. It's because you ADVERTISED the sex of your children, where they go to school, and posted on FB that you're at the park with the children. DUMBASS DEGREE: EARNED

 
For all complaints regarding my post today, please call:
1-800-FUC-KYOU




 
and FINALLY - THIS is what you can kiss if you don't LIKE my Blog:
it's my dog Shadow's ASS

 












Friday, January 23, 2015

Sugar Babies versus Girlfriends/Wives


On yesterday's episode of Dr. Phil,
he had a girl on the show who was a "sugar baby" -
 
 
Dr. Phil: "I never thought of dating as a monetary transaction"
 
Really? So let's discuss this Dr. Phil!

  1. Really ? Because a girlfriend/wife gets
  2. If you're having dinner with a guy and he buys; he's paying for your company by paying for that meal. 
  3. If a guy buys a gal a gift for going as his date to the office party; he's paying for your company
  4. If he buys the drink/coffee on a date; he's paying for your time.
  5. When a husband buys a car for his wife; he's paying monthly for an extended period of your companionship
  6. If a date buys the girl flowers for the date; he's paying for your company (if he didn't steal the flowers)
  7. If a guy buys a girl an engagement ring; he's buying your company for the future or investing on your future with him
  8. If a guy bought his girl something nice and she thanks him with sex; an exchange of goods and services has occurred.
  9. A stay at home mom/wife exchanges services for goods; living expenses, cars, food, etc.
  10. So there are in fact monetary/in-kind exchanges for 'goods & services' in relationships - take THAT Dr. Phil!
 
 
 
 





 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Kim KarTRASHian did NOT invent - ANYTHING

The KARDASHIANS

I know, you're thinking ONLY 10 thoughts on this? NO I have a million but I'm going to keep it to 10 because I don't want to waste that much time even considering them....

The entire family (except of course for Bruce) will always owe their "fame" to Kim doing porn. I have NO PROBLEM with porn, don't get me wrong, I have many friends who are hugely famous from doing it in the 70's/80's - however she DENIED doing it, then made tons of dough off it and then MADE ANOTHER ONE so don't get it twisted
  1. She recently claimed she invented the selfie! REALLY BITCH? Because people have been taking photos of themselves since the camera was first invented. I turned my instamatic camera around on myself in 1970 when I cut my finger & needed stitches...but even I DIDN'T invent the damn selfie.
  2. That ASS: listen bitch - I had that ASS since I was a teenager only it wasn't "cool". We called it the "Schultz Ass" & I got called "wide load", Thunder Thighs & fat ass being BULLIED for my sizeable but muscular ass...sorry honey but your ass is just JIGGLY FAT - get over yourself AND your oversized caboose!
  3.  Anywhere but Hollywood, Kris Kardashian would be called a PIMP not a "momager"! All she does is pimp her children out in the nude with all their bits & pieces all over the internet, in magazines & on Television. Therefore you are NOT a manager - you are a fucking PIMP
  4.  You  all rode on the coattails of an internationally known, Olympic champion (Bruce Jenner) UNTIL your daughter did a 'home porn' movie with Ray J. Oh yeah I covered that in #1 - forgive me if I repeat myself.
  5.  PLEASE do the entire world a favor and STOP showing your privates all over the world and doing so claiming you "broke" the internet! At this point there ain't nobody in the whole world who hasn't seen all of your business & NOBODY wants to see it anymore!
  6.  She'll probably take credit for inventing UGGS too but ya DIDN'T BITCH - I DID in 1987 starring in a movie called Robot Holocaust, a cult B sci-fi movie, see photos below for proof that I AM THE ONE WHO got the ball rolling on THAT trend!
  7.  
  8.  
  9.  
Basically all you're getting is 7 out of 10 on this particular topic because I not only have a massive migraine from writing it but I feel that with EACH number I'm losing 10 IQ points - pathetic!



There's a group of celebrities from one of the fundraiser tennis tourneys
I did in the late 90's. I'm center in the blue/red jacket with red hair &
BRUCE JENNER is above my left shoulder.



as I appeared on the infamous Page Six of the New York Post
notice the original UGGS


   


Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Playgrounds of the 60's: For love & danger!


A dear old friend of mine posted this
fantastic link to her facebook page this morning.
I'm going to take this title to MORE reasons children
of the 70's should all be dead - including me.
This is the Playground Edition & there will be more installments
addressing growing up in the 60's & 70's and
my view on loving living during that time!
(Thank you Robin Moody-Schmidt)

  1. I remember the playground at Tillson Elementary School (Tillson, NY) very well.  There were 2 slides: a smaller one (the one nobody but the Kindergarteners & 1st graders would use) and the big, high, dangerous one - everyone used because of the peer pressure to face the demon.
  2. I was NEVER one to shy away from the danger - ever. While I was a very girly girl in frilly dresses, I was also a voracious tomboy who loved climbing trees, riding horses, dirt bikes & playing the "ring & run" in the neighborhood. Therefore when it came to the playground, I was ALL IN!! There was no better feeling than sliding down that massive metal slide in the hot sun, in my pretty little dresses feeling & hearing the squeaking as I slid down, burning the hell out of the cheeks of my little ass! The slide is certainly not the ONLY thing that I've outgrown over the years but my ass, yes, I've outgrown my ASS - but I digress. The feeling that I kept up with the boys in their long pants, gave me great satisfaction back then & frankly I can still feel & hear that squeaking!
  3. The "jungle gym" didn't consist of much but a lot of metal making up a few things like monkey bars, that should have been called "suicide alley". All metal pipes sitting on top of blacktop! That's right, blacktop! Not some cute little safe, squishy rubber to protect your little noggins but the hard, rocky stuff that covers the ROAD!
  4. The swing set was probably the most dangerous apparatus on the property though. It was extremely high, or so it seemed in the 60's & was just metal seats held on with massive chain link, attached to a structure of, yep you guessed it, metal!  We would get the other kids to push us so hard that the challenge was to see how high we could go. These heights were massive as a kid. I was always the one to grab a spot on one of the high swings & get anyone to push me.  The dream was to go all the way around & I did exactly that at least once. 
  5. Another of the fun suicidal games we played on the swings was go as high as you can, out as far as you could & JUMP! Yes JUMP onto blacktop! I LOVED doing that because it made me feel like I could fly! If you went high enough you landed in the messed up grass/dirt beyond the blacktop & wouldn't get as many cuts & bruises.
  6. My compatriots of the era will feel the pain in their fingers when I describe the many blood blisters on our hands & fingers from getting caught in those enormous chains. Yes, I went there. OUCH.
  7. The chains on the swings would get kinked up, especially when we had our friends turn us until the chain was twisted all the way to the top then in one push, get us going the OTHER way. My trick to surviving (& LOVING) this particular game, was to put my head down & close my eyes, that way  I wouldn't fall flat on my ass in front of my peers after surviving with all 10 fingers....barely.
  8. Every piece of this playground was a first come, first served kind of deal. It required great amounts of pushing & shoving, and yes crying, to grab your opportunity of nearly killing yourself, with the help of your friends.
  9. I spent a great deal of my childhood with band aids & mercurochrome (yes I KNOW my readers of the same age will know that word well) on my knees & elbows. Badges of honor I call them!
  10. All of this went on with our teachers chatting or smoking over by the trees, barely watching or even cheering us on.
Reminiscing about these fantastic & memorable times has me singing "Hey Momma Welcome to the Sixties" from Hairspray!


* Welcome to the 60's where 3 year old boys got guns for Christmas! *
That's my family & I'm the curly haired cutie
giving some major "resting bitch face"!

* The 60's when boys wore TIES   *
















Original article from which I gained my inspiration:

8 Reasons Children of the 70's Should Be Dead













Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I'm a smoking, fur wearing BITCH - go ahead, make my day!


 
YES, I'M A SMOKING & FUR WEARING BITCH
Go ahead & TEST MY PATIENCE ON IT! I DARE you!

  1. You live in NYC (or L.A.) the capital of dirt, smog, poisonous car/bus fumes but you're bitching about my smoke as I stand by a building, in a park, or walking down the street. Yes I can see how I'M solely responsible or polluting your lungs
  2. Unless you're wearing hemp from head to toe, bamboo shoes & eating dirt, shut the fuck up about my 28 year old fur coat.
  3. On that note: it's proven fact that taking to your plants helps them flourish and grow; therefore you vegans with an attitude, you TOO are eating something with feelings so get off my back and let me my burger in peace while wearing my fur coat & leather boots.
  4. Also it doesn't matter if you're riding a bicycle or driving an environmentally sound vehicle, the fumes from the factory making any of the parts for it, is polluting the environment & killing the animals you're preaching to me about protecting. Or the parts were made in a factory in Thailand by children who eat dogs for dinner & live in a very carnivorous country. It's IMPOSSIBLE that you are not doing SOMETHING that is hurting or endangering animals somewhere in the world. Therefore SHUT THE FUCK UP about how I'm somehow not a friend to the animals because I have a fur coat cuz I'll shove a rabbit muff down your self righteous throat if you ask nee one more time "do you know how many animals died  hero you warm"?
  5. When asked that question, reply that I do indeed and that it's 28 furs, male raccoons.. YES dickwad, I EDUCATED myself on it when it was GIFTED to me by an amazing couple who were Holocaust survivors whom I modeled for (they also kept me employed regularly in the early 80's as a model) who thought enough of me to make this coat especially for ME before they closed the showroom! 
  6. "Do you enjoy wearing a coat made out dead animals lady?"  Yes, much more than wearing LIVE ones
  7. "I hope you're warm in a coat of dead animal skins lady"  Yes I am thank you very much but they're pelts not just skins and I'm very toasty, toasty indeed!
  8. "Those animals would still be alive if it weren't for you lady" really? Cuz I've never heard of a raccoon living 28 years. PLUS I must look like a real outdoorsy type to have that responsibility of tracking them down, killing them, skinning them, tanning them, sewing them together, raising silk worms and making the lining then putting it all together to make this coat. I must reek of talent. 
  9. I would NEVER approach someone or yell to them across the street espousing how the down coat they're wearing was manufactured and it's effect on the environment and so forth why do people feel it's ok to do the same to fur wearers. Do they walk about everywhere they go shouting some ridiculous comments to everyone wearing leather shoes? I think not. Therefore SHUT the fuck up or do the same to you on all your wearing. It's called harassment why is it ok to attack people who love wearing fur. It's a free country it's my right to wear it. (I DID corner a PETA dude in the 80's about this exact thing.)
  10. My feeling on these topics: live & let live OR if dead or killed - wear em or eat em. Smoking: I have JUST as many rights TO smoke as YOU do to piss, bitch & moan about it so shut the fuck up!
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, January 18, 2015

DOGS IN PUBLIC VERSUS CHILDREN IN PUBLIC


 
DOGS IN PUBLIC VERSUS CHILDREN IN PUBLIC

  1. My dog is better behaved than your children! I even have a magnet on my car saying so    & it is a fact in many cases.   
  2. If  need a license for my dog why don't you need one to have children?
  3. On that note, if my well behaved dog has to be on a leash why don't your obnoxious children?
  4. Only a licensed service dog is allowed in public places but you can change your babies shitty diaper in a restaurant bathroom. Go figure my dog certainly doesn't SHIT in the public restroom
  5. I have to carry poop bags with me & pick up Shadow's poop, knot the bag closed and throw it in the garbage neatly: someone needs to invent something that attaches to diapers or tapes to diapers so that when you change them, you can do the SAME with that nasty shitty diaper! just sayin!
  6. Only a lic svc dog can be in a store because there's food there..but your KID with the snotty nose is wiping said nose and touching everything. Yes, THAT child YOU never taught to cover it's mouth when it sneezes or coughs, is touching everything in sight, passing it's particular nasty germs to everyone & everyTHING, including the food after probably putting it's fingers in their poopy diaper or up it's nasty nose.
  7. There's a sign in the bathroom stating: "all employees must wash hands after using the restroom", but you are changing a babies shitty diaper in there, throwing it in the trash and walking out without washing your hands or wrapping it in plastic so the rest of the world doesn't have to see or smell it.
  8. Only a licensed service dog can be in a NYC taxi. The same taxi that has people in the back picking their noses, scratching their privates, having sex,, sneezing, coughing and whatnot. Of course I can see how a clean, well trained dog can't ride in that cab!
  9. Most dogs are trained to behave in public & get told "NO" when they do something wrong to correct their behavior. Therefore, learn how to tell your children "NO" as well because otherwise it reflects on YOU, not the child and it will be ill prepared for the real world where they'll be fired or end up in JAIL for that behavior.
  10. A dog's behavior lies solely on the shoulders of it's owner. The SAME holds true for children. If your child is an obnoxious kid, who misbehaves in public that responsibility lies solely on the parent! I have to control my DOG in public therefore control your CHILD or don't give me shit when I TELL your child to stop it's certain behavior that is completely out of control or obnoxious in public! I've SEEN people who dare to want to give me shit for just HAVING a dog in public (a licensed service dog BTW) therefore you are opening yourself up to a big can of whoop ass if your child behaves ridiculously bad and YOU don't control it! 
 
          
 
        
 
(c) 2015 LATJ: Jennifer Delora

Saturday, January 17, 2015

The Facebook Diaries Part 1


Welcome to today's installment of "LATJ". Today I'm addressing
Facebook & 10 of the things that aggravate me about it all.
I know what you're thinking: "just ONE installment?"
Trust that this will definitely NOT be the only one.
I have a stinking feeling there will be many parts to the
Facebook Diaries. 
  1. Seriously? You have to LIVE your life on Facebook???  How about be IN the MOMENT & just LIVE & post a collage to FB later?
  2. I know I'm going to sound like the old men when I was a kid with the "we walked 20 miles to a 1-room schoolhouse, barefoot, in the snow, without lunch and then had to come home and herd cattle and milk the cows" but HONESTLY: I came from a generation of playing outside, there were no video games, only about 3 channels on TV, you wouldn't even THINK about being inside on a nice day, or any day for that matter because you could always find some puddle to jump in. We didn't live with our phones to our face heck we didn't even have machines, call waiting or touch tone phones back then. We carried quarters in case of an emergency & didn't need to worry about updating our status on the internet.
  3. I JUST figured out (well barely) the "ticker" thing on the right side of the screen. What the HELL! I can see all of your business: what you like, what you say & who you friend. Which MEANS: you can see all the same of ME! I am NOT having this shit of people minding my fucking business! Who the HELL thought this was a good idea and is ok with it?  WHAT in the name of all that is good and holy in the world is UP WITH THAT.
  4. Put your damn cell phones down!! Stop "face timing", "tindering", 'pinning", "tweeting" & whatever you do & have some face to face time with whomever you're with so that when they look AT you, you're not looking down at your fucking cell phone.
  5. Myself or anyone else doesn't really have the need to know when you have your period, got laid, had a fight with someone, ate dinner, were constipated or anything else that is usually categorized as part of your "private life".
  6. STOP abbreviating! Words are words for a reason & all the stupid abbreviations like the one that annoys me the most "bae" need to STOP! We're raising a generation of illiterates. (I will address the "me" generation in another episode of LATJ). For crying out LOUD your smart phone or computer will give you a red squiggly line under a misspelled word so WHY is your English SO BAD? On that note do you realize that "ain't" is NOT an actual WORD but it will be in your auto correct - go ahead & check it out! YGBKM
  7. THIS is how we updated OUR status in the "old days" : bicycling or walking to our friends house, yelling across the yard, building a snowman, playing "king of the hill" on the dirt or simply dialing our rotary phones & seeing if our friend could come out & play.
  8. "top stories" versus "most recent": who the FUCK decides what's a "top story"? I should decide what's a top story!
  9. "trending": you DO know that in terms of celebrity stories "trending", you do know that those people have people who may even have their own people in a room somewhere with a million computers, phones & iPads who are MAKING that shit trend right? Don't buy into the hype!
  10. "check in" or "location tagging": I NEVER do this & don't appreciate if someone else takes the liberty to tag me somewhere. It's nobody's damn business where I am or where I've been unless I TELL THEM. Moreover, why do YOU want people to know you've been to church (don't get me started) or the gym. Do you know this has been a proven way for robbers to know you're not home, where your car is parked, what you're doing & where your CHILDREN are? (I will address the children on FB issues in another post as well.)  

(c) Jennifer Delora 2015

Friday, January 16, 2015

Ten thoughts for Today


Random things that have entered my mind today whilst preparing my first post!

The idea for this blog was given to me by my friend Cathy Brown an amazing writer who gave me the title!


  1. You have baby wipes for your sensitive ass out in the bathroom & were planning on cleaning with bleach wipes & you accidentally switch the 2 - dumbass
  2. You scream at the stupid asses on TV because in private you DO think you're better than them
  3. You wonder how the HELL the person in front of you got their license in the first place considering they have NO idea what that little stick to the left of the steering wheel is used for
  4. You actually DO think the bad drivers on the road can hear you curse them out
  5.  You secretly pretend you're lost looking at street names (that you know like the back of your hand) when YOU don't use your blinker or drive like an ass
  6. You give that silent "did you just see that" look to the other person in Walmart who you KNOW did!
  7.  You secretly sing Abba in the shower
  8.  You wanna smack some sense into Justin Bieber (come on we ALL do)
  9.  You have pretended to see a space ship in the sky while your dog takes a dump 5 feet away from you because you forgot your bags (I never have but I've caught plenty of people who DO) solution: always carry bags & offer them one kindly. If they take it great, if not, curse their nasty ass out, I do.
  10. You fart in public & if you can't blame your dog you blame the person in line in front of or behind you


The Introduction to all the crazy in my mind

"Life According to Jenn" will be a topical comment blog on whatever floats my boat, thoughts on the day, thoughts on the news or generally anything I can think of!

All in the name of good fun, this blog will be my opinion and only my opinion.

I am all of the following:
*  successful ex-B Queen, low-budget movie star
*  double PhD
*  licensed Reverend (yep it's Rev. Dr. Dr. Jennifer Delora) go on with my
    bad self
*  single, technically never married, no children
    (OK if you read my IMDB page, it says I've been married & divorced.
    I have, once, for a hot second to a guy who was gay & needed a green card.
    When I found out about him screwing me out of the business end of the
    relationship (never consummated) I divorced his ass, reported him to INS
    & sent his sorry ass back where he came from!
*  On the children note: I sort of adopted a daughter Alyx Mitchell (& with her
    came a son in law  Paul O'Donnell & my own personal pink haired Troll -
    Halley Jean) my kids own & run the Inksane Tattoo Studio parlor in Lake Katrine NY
    (near Kingston NY) and Halley is a very talented apprentice there) so THEY
    are my children. I love them more & more every day & next to Miss Shadow
    Pup, they are the best part of my life!  (My daughter Alyx also has a Blog she's working on. Please visit it if you're into tattoos or are interested in the workings of the artist behind the machine!  Inksanity by Alyx Mitchell
*  getting shorter every day
*  hearing impaired, late deafened, not born that way as GaGa says
*  proud mommy of @missshadowpup on IG/FB my itsy bitsy service dog who
   has more of a wardrobe than me

There's so much more that makes up the crazy that is ME and my life, many stories and things to share. But for now I'm going to address subjects & my opinions on them whether you like it or not! Working on an autobiography at the moment & that will be a different blog on it's progress & stories!

Welcome to The World According to Jenn

Just in case you want to get on my fan club page on Facebook, here's the link to my public page:  Jennifer Delora on Facebook

Here's a couple teasers on who I used to be...just for shits & giggles!




my new tattoo
We call her "JENNENHOOKER"