10 Random Thoughts: Scary But True Shit

10 Random Thoughts

 

There will be lots of days where I do exactly this & merely type out random

thoughts that pass through the holes in my mind that have been in

the news, on TV, or that I've observed SOMEWHERE! 

 

If I've taken the time to type them out for your daily enjoyment, PLEASE comment

below & let me know how you're enjoying it. I'd also love to hear some

suggestions or ideas on topics (hot or not) that you'd like me to take on.

Remember: I only address with a sick ass sense of humor, sarcasm

(humor's ugly step sister) & with a (generally) light hearted point of view.

I'm not out to be political in any way or to intentionally hurt someone.

HOWEVER: while opinions are like assholes; everybody has one,

this blog is MY opinion and ONLY my opinion (for what it's worth)

and of course, for SHITS AND GIGGLES!

Alrighty then, on to our regularly scheduled program.

1. The Ku Klux Klan: if you dumbass, nasty pig, douchebag racists were SO PROUD of what you stand for, what you do and how you think, then WHY THE FUCKING HOODS?? So nobody can recognize your pussy asses & hang YOU from a fucking tree?
2. Momma June of Honey Boo Boo has a boyfriend and Charles Manson has a wife - why in all natural fuck can't I even get a DATE? Food for thought huh?
3.  Spelling & grammar: You "millenials" who know nothing of a dictionary, thesaurus or Encyclopedia Britannica. You, who's phone, iPad & computer will put a squiggly red line under misspelled words or even correct your shitty spelling AND that you have spell correct on these devices? Basically what I'm saying is: if you are misspelling shit all the time you are basically a fucking MORON!
4. They, their, they're: if you don't know the difference between these by the age of 15 you are going to be a MISERABLE FAILURE IN LIFE trust me!
5. Kotex & Maxi-pad advertisements: are these TRULY NECESSARY? I mean all HELLS BELLS - women have gotten their periods since the dawn of time, get it monthly like clockwork (usually) and know EXACTLY what we need to use for it. WHY then, are these advertisements necessary to TELL us what is out there for something that is part of our daily lives?
6. ON #5: The ads for "feminine hygiene" about your cootch smelling like dootch...do you realize in 100 years when the future generations look back at this period of time, they are going to look at women as stinky, nasty smelling, bleeding, nasty beings? Can we PLEASE cease & desist with that particular form of nasty during my dinner?!?!
7. On # 5 & #6 continued: in the 70's they used to show jock itch commercials during dinner - there was some kind of letter writing campaign that took them off TV. Can we NOT do THAT for douche commercials... PLEASE?
8.  "Sex Box" TV show: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THAT SHIT? How desperate are these people to get on TV that they'll have sex in a box with some armchair psychologists helping them with their sex problems? Can you REALLY have sex problems if you have NO problem having sex in a box, in front of an audience?
9. Speaking of the audience for "Sex Box" what the HELL kind of sick ass life do you have that you WANT to be in that audience when you can just watch porn at home for free?
10. Those stickers on the back of your car indicating your family & children, then a logo/sticker from the school they go to or one saying "My child is an honor student at...." etc. (btw who's child ISN'T these days) are a GPS, a map and an invitation to a pedophile. Are you fucking kidding me? THEN you'll be all over the news crying and not understanding why little Susie Q is missing. It's because you ADVERTISED the sex of your children, where they go to school, and posted on FB that you're at the park with the children. DUMBASS DEGREE: EARNED

 

For all complaints regarding my post today, please call:

1-800-FUC-KYOU

 

and FINALLY - THIS is what you can kiss if you don't LIKE my Blog:

it's my dog Shadow's ASS

 

Sugar Babies versus Girlfriends/Wives

On yesterday's episode of Dr. Phil,

he had a girl on the show who was a "sugar baby" -

 

 

Dr. Phil: "I never thought of dating as a monetary transaction"

 

Really? So let's discuss this Dr. Phil!

1. Really ? Because a girlfriend/wife gets
2. If you're having dinner with a guy and he buys; he's paying for your company by paying for that meal. 
3. If a guy buys a gal a gift for going as his date to the office party; he's paying for your company
4. If he buys the drink/coffee on a date; he's paying for your time.
5. When a husband buys a car for his wife; he's paying monthly for an extended period of your companionship
6. If a date buys the girl flowers for the date; he's paying for your company (if he didn't steal the flowers)
7. If a guy buys a girl an engagement ring; he's buying your company for the future or investing on your future with him
8. If a guy bought his girl something nice and she thanks him with sex; an exchange of goods and services has occurred.
9. A stay at home mom/wife exchanges services for goods; living expenses, cars, food, etc.
10. So there are in fact monetary/in-kind exchanges for 'goods & services' in relationships - take THAT Dr. Phil!

 

 

 

 

 

Kim KarTRASHian did NOT invent - ANYTHING

The KARDASHIANS

I know, you're thinking ONLY 10 thoughts on this? NO I have a million but I'm going to keep it to 10 because I don't want to waste that much time even considering them....

The entire family (except of course for Bruce) will always owe their "fame" to Kim doing porn. I have NO PROBLEM with porn, don't get me wrong, I have many friends who are hugely famous from doing it in the 70's/80's - however she DENIED doing it, then made tons of dough off it and then MADE ANOTHER ONE so don't get it twisted

1. She recently claimed she invented the selfie! REALLY BITCH? Because people have been taking photos of themselves since the camera was first invented. I turned my instamatic camera around on myself in 1970 when I cut my finger & needed stitches...but even I DIDN'T invent the damn selfie.
2. That ASS: listen bitch - I had that ASS since I was a teenager only it wasn't "cool". We called it the "Schultz Ass" & I got called "wide load", Thunder Thighs & fat ass being BULLIED for my sizeable but muscular ass...sorry honey but your ass is just JIGGLY FAT - get over yourself AND your oversized caboose!
3.  Anywhere but Hollywood, Kris Kardashian would be called a PIMP not a "momager"! All she does is pimp her children out in the nude with all their bits & pieces all over the internet, in magazines & on Television. Therefore you are NOT a manager - you are a fucking PIMP
4.  You  all rode on the coattails of an internationally known, Olympic champion (Bruce Jenner) UNTIL your daughter did a 'home porn' movie with Ray J. Oh yeah I covered that in #1 - forgive me if I repeat myself.
5.  PLEASE do the entire world a favor and STOP showing your privates all over the world and doing so claiming you "broke" the internet! At this point there ain't nobody in the whole world who hasn't seen all of your business & NOBODY wants to see it anymore!
6.  She'll probably take credit for inventing UGGS too but ya DIDN'T BITCH - I DID in 1987 starring in a movie called Robot Holocaust, a cult B sci-fi movie, see photos below for proof that I AM THE ONE WHO got the ball rolling on THAT trend!
7.  
8.  
9.  

Basically all you're getting is 7 out of 10 on this particular topic because I not only have a massive migraine from writing it but I feel that with EACH number I'm losing 10 IQ points - pathetic!

There's a group of celebrities from one of the fundraiser tennis tourneys
I did in the late 90's. I'm center in the blue/red jacket with red hair &
BRUCE JENNER is above my left shoulder.

as I appeared on the infamous Page Six of the New York Post

notice the original UGGS

   

The Facebook Diaries Part 1

Welcome to today's installment of "LATJ". Today I'm addressing

Facebook & 10 of the things that aggravate me about it all.

I know what you're thinking: "just ONE installment?"

Trust that this will definitely NOT be the only one.

I have a stinking feeling there will be many parts to the

Facebook Diaries. 

1. Seriously? You have to LIVE your life on Facebook???  How about be IN the MOMENT & just LIVE & post a collage to FB later?
2. I know I'm going to sound like the old men when I was a kid with the "we walked 20 miles to a 1-room schoolhouse, barefoot, in the snow, without lunch and then had to come home and herd cattle and milk the cows" but HONESTLY: I came from a generation of playing outside, there were no video games, only about 3 channels on TV, you wouldn't even THINK about being inside on a nice day, or any day for that matter because you could always find some puddle to jump in. We didn't live with our phones to our face heck we didn't even have machines, call waiting or touch tone phones back then. We carried quarters in case of an emergency & didn't need to worry about updating our status on the internet.
3. I JUST figured out (well barely) the "ticker" thing on the right side of the screen. What the HELL! I can see all of your business: what you like, what you say & who you friend. Which MEANS: you can see all the same of ME! I am NOT having this shit of people minding my fucking business! Who the HELL thought this was a good idea and is ok with it?  WHAT in the name of all that is good and holy in the world is UP WITH THAT.
4. Put your damn cell phones down!! Stop "face timing", "tindering", 'pinning", "tweeting" & whatever you do & have some face to face time with whomever you're with so that when they look AT you, you're not looking down at your fucking cell phone.
5. Myself or anyone else doesn't really have the need to know when you have your period, got laid, had a fight with someone, ate dinner, were constipated or anything else that is usually categorized as part of your "private life".
6. STOP abbreviating! Words are words for a reason & all the stupid abbreviations like the one that annoys me the most "bae" need to STOP! We're raising a generation of illiterates. (I will address the "me" generation in another episode of LATJ). For crying out LOUD your smart phone or computer will give you a red squiggly line under a misspelled word so WHY is your English SO BAD? On that note do you realize that "ain't" is NOT an actual WORD but it will be in your auto correct - go ahead & check it out! YGBKM
7. THIS is how we updated OUR status in the "old days" : bicycling or walking to our friends house, yelling across the yard, building a snowman, playing "king of the hill" on the dirt or simply dialing our rotary phones & seeing if our friend could come out & play.
8. "top stories" versus "most recent": who the FUCK decides what's a "top story"? I should decide what's a top story!
9. "trending": you DO know that in terms of celebrity stories "trending", you do know that those people have people who may even have their own people in a room somewhere with a million computers, phones & iPads who are MAKING that shit trend right? Don't buy into the hype!
10. "check in" or "location tagging": I NEVER do this & don't appreciate if someone else takes the liberty to tag me somewhere. It's nobody's damn business where I am or where I've been unless I TELL THEM. Moreover, why do YOU want people to know you've been to church (don't get me started) or the gym. Do you know this has been a proven way for robbers to know you're not home, where your car is parked, what you're doing & where your CHILDREN are? (I will address the children on FB issues in another post as well.)  

(c) Jennifer Delora 2015